I remember January 27, 2000 rushing to the hospital for your birth but getting there too late and walking into the room to see you being held by mommy and daddy. I remember swinging you in your swinging chair. I remember your cries…even though I'm still convinced that you faked some of them.

I remember playing endlessly with you, I remember taking your socks off and throwing them across the room…even when it made you mad. I remember cuddling with you and falling asleep with you on the couch. I remember you sleeping in my bed with me…even when you would constantly talk and ask questions instead of going to sleep. And I remember you kicking me in bed those nights too.

I remember mornings when you would wake up early and come into my room, pull the covers off me and wake me up…even though the night before you promised you wouldn't do that. I remember you walking around the house looking at pictures of me, saying and even arguing that they were you.

I remember missing you so much when I was away at college only to come back home and see how much you had grown in the short time I was away. I remember all the phone conversations we had together and I remember our little game when I said "guess what?" and you said right away "I love you!" I remember all of your messages you left me on my cell phone…they're still there.

I remember you sitting and cheering at my basketball games, yelling my name…and getting mad when I didn't turn or look back and respond to you. I remember you running out of daddy's arms and running alongside the team in Santa Cruz as we ran out of the locker room and onto the court. And I remember you being the best halftime show I've ever seen.

I remember November 19, 2004 when I was in Seattle preparing for the first game of my Senior season, not knowing what was going on back home. I remember looking at my phone after the game and seeing that I had at least 10 missed calls from "Dad's Cell," just knowing that something was wrong when I heard his message. I remember "that call" and that was the beginning of all that "Leukemia and Bone Marrow stuff"…even though at the time I didn't exactly know what it really was or what it really meant.

I remember crying on the shoulders of my teammates and coaches that night, wanting to fly home that minute. But I remember daddy telling me he wouldn't let me, telling me to play our last game of the weekend and come see you Sunday when I got back. So I did that and I remember driving to Oakland and buying a Spiderman toy for you on the way.

I remember all the trials and tribulations you encountered along the roller coaster that would become your final ride in "body." I remember the hospitals, I remember The Ronald McDonald House, your Bone Marrow Transplant and through it all…I remember how strong you were and still are.

I remember seeing you and spending our last physical days together during Mother's Day weekend in Denver, at Brent's Place. And I remember May 25, 2006 at 12:47 PM when you left me in body and moved up to a better place in heaven where you'll always be my brother, my friend, my hero, and my angel.

There are so many memories I have of you and I will carry them with me forever; I'll always be your big brother Chrissy. You taught me so much in your 6-plus years and today I see so much of you in me. I'm so proud to say that I'm your big brother. I can picture you now, sitting up in heaven smiling down on all of us saying "Boo! Did I scare you?" or "You wanna piece of me?" And you know what …I do wanna piece of you, a piece that I can hold onto until the day I see you again. When I can pick you up and just give you a big hug and kiss. Through all of these memories, I know we're not remembering your death but actually celebrating your life and I find some comfort in knowing that you're looking down on me-normal again, free of the pain and medicines.

You always were a fast kid and I guess you just made it to the sunshine and to heaven before me. So I'll see you when I get there; I love so you much Nicholas, I'll never forget you.

Love always,
Your big brother Chrissy"